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View all Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs

"Three Things Only People Who Can’t Understand Anything Will Understand" (Dec. 8, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Horses" (Nov. 12, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Candles" (Oct. 28, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Foolishness II" (Oct. 13, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Waiting" (Sept. 29, 2014)

"Differences Between Me, Teddy Wayne, and Bruce Wayne/John Wayne" (Sept. 22, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Hate" (Aug. 25, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Water" (Aug. 13, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Hay" (July 28, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Thought" (July 10, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Patience II" (June 24, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Patience" (June 12, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Heart II" (June 5, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Possession" (May 19, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Cobblers" (May 7, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Mastery" (Apr. 29, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Taxes" (Apr. 15, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Wisdom II" (Mar. 12, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Oysters" (Mar. 6, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Bridesmaids" (Feb. 19, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Leopards" (Feb. 5, 2014)

"I'm a Busy Mom in a TV Commercial for Household Products" (Jan. 27, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Price" (Jan. 23, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Couples" (Jan. 13, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: History" (Dec. 19, 2013)

"Why I'm Opposed to Liz Cheney Marriage" (Nov. 19, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Wheels" (Nov. 18, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Criticism" (Oct. 23, 2013)

"Miss Winthrop’s Upper East Side Etiquette Academy for Gentlemen-in-Training’s Tips for the Mollification of Bullies" (Oct. 15, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Uniqueness" (Oct. 2, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Rain" (Sept. 19, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Supper" (Aug. 27, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Publicity II" (Aug. 14, 2013)

"Dear Camp Belton Parents" (July 31, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Borders" (July 22, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Thickness" (July 10, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Experience" (June 28, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Aiming" (June 14, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Desperation" (June 7, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Opportunity II" (May 31, 2013)

"Both Sides, Now" (May 23, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Coincidence" (May 22, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Temerity" (May 14, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Months" (Apr. 30, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Friendship II" (Apr. 17, 2013)

"North Korean Propaganda Embraces Mumblecore" (Apr. 1, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Foolishness" (Apr. 1, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs" (Mar. 18, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Austerity" (Feb. 28, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Love III" (Feb. 14, 2013)

"I'm an English Professor in a Movie" (Feb. 4, 2014)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Zeal" (Jan. 30, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Modesty" (Jan. 23, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Practice" (Jan. 7, 2013)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Seasonality" (Dec. 20, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Difference" (Dec. 14, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Children" (Dec. 6, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Errors" (Nov. 26, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Kindness" (Nov. 12, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Work" (Oct. 30, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Earning" (Oct. 17, 2012)

"Brand-Name Author" (Oct. 11, 2012)

90 Days, 90 Reasons: "Reason 61: Big Bird's Response to Mitt Romney, As Told To Teddy Wayne" (Oct. 7, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Cats" (Oct. 1, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Enemies" (Sept. 19, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Honesty" (Sept. 5, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: News" (Aug. 22, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Similarity" (Aug. 8, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Volume" (July 27, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Prevention II" (July 18, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Commonality" (June 19, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Realism" (May 30, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Pictures" (May 23, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Reciprocity II" (May 14, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Influence" (Apr. 30, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Comparisons" (Apr. 9, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Domiciles" (Mar. 19, 2012)

"Condo President-for-Life" (Mar. 14, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Variety" (Mar. 5, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Love II" (Feb. 14, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Planning" (Jan. 30, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Punctuality" (Jan. 17, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Silence" (Jan. 9, 2012)

"Aliens With Benefits" (Jan. 5, 2012)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Gifts" (Dec. 22, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Writing" (Dec. 9, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Autonomy" (Nov. 16, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Collaboration" (Nov. 2, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Genius" (Oct. 19, 2011)

"Occupy Main Street!" (Oct. 7, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Leadership" (Sept. 27, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Repetition" (Sept. 12, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Money" (Aug. 29, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Skies" (Aug. 19, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Self-Sufficiency" (Aug. 8, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Recognition" (July 25, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Reticence" (July 11, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Teaching" (June 27, 2011)

"Word Up, Kids, and Guzzle Down the Stiffest Energy Drink Out There, FLACCID!" (June 17, 2011)

"Dog of War" (June 1, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Guests" (May 24, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Foresight" (May 11, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Change" (Apr. 21, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Turmoil" (Apr. 4, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Consolidation" (Mar. 23, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Linkage" (Mar. 14, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Publicity" (Mar. 1, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Craftsmanship" (Feb. 14, 2011)

"Burning Bright Not Good Enough, Must Burn Brightest: Lessons from a Tigress Mother on Whelping Alpha Cubs, by A. Panthera" (Jan. 31, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Conclusiveness" (Jan. 24, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Doggedness" (Jan. 12, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Resilience" (Jan. 3, 2011)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Hesitation" (Dec. 15, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Laughter" (Nov. 29, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Loaning" (Nov. 8, 2010)

"Pickup Artists' Favorite Discussion Topics" (Oct. 28, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Loyalty" (Oct. 25, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Competitiveness" (Oct. 6, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Hygiene" (Sept. 22, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Stupidity" (Sept. 7, 2010)

"Other Hallowed-Ground Prohibitions" (Sept. 3, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Prevention" (Aug. 23, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Savings" (Aug. 4, 2010)

"Letter to McSweeney's" (Issue 35, July 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Love" (July 8, 2010)

"Okay, America: We're Turning Everything into Vampires" (June 30, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Knowledge" (June 23, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Destinations" (June 9, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Absence" (June 1, 2010)

"Rules and Regulations for Benehmen!, the German Board Game of Discipline" (May 21, 2010)

"The Rejection of Anne Frank" (May 13, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Reciprocity" (May 10, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Procrastination" (Apr. 26, 2010)

"The Most Radical, Bitchin', Totally Awesome Retro Prom Ever!" (Apr. 16, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Pleasures" (Apr. 13, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Perfection" (Mar. 31, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Necessity" (Mar. 22, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Deception" (Mar. 8, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Laughter" (Feb. 26, 2010)

"Subject-Verb Disagreements" (Feb. 11, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Accuracy" (Feb. 11, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Prejudice" (Jan. 26, 2010)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Sequentiality" (Jan. 13, 2010)

"New Year's Resolutions" (Dec. 31, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Enhancement" (Dec. 22, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Inferiority" (Dec. 11, 2009)

"I Need to Improve My Responses to Hecklers" (Dec. 7, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Brevity" (Nov. 23, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Motion" (Nov. 10, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Unity" (Oct. 21, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Imitation" (Oct. 5, 2009)

"Arse Poetica" (Oct. 2, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Solitude" (Sept. 18, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Precautions" (Sept. 1, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Enticement" (Aug. 17, 2009)

"Microsoft Entourage" (Aug. 3, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Stoicism" (July 23, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Vengeance" (July 9, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Heart" (June 23, 2009)

"Easy Instructions for the Conversion to Digital TV" (June 12, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Perseverance" (June 5, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Caution" (May 18, 2009)

"My Pitches for Political-Satire Skits Playing on President Obama's Foibles Keep Getting Shot Down" (May 6, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Wisdom" (Apr. 27, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Free Will" (Apr. 6, 2009)

"Saved by the Bell: The Grad School Years" (Mar. 23, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Self-Reliance" (Mar. 16, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Freedom" (Feb. 24, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Opportunity" (Feb. 3, 2009)

"Teddy Wayne's Unpopular Proverbs: Friendship" (Jan. 22, 2009)

"From The Clog: Manchester, Vermont's Insider Gossip Blog for Plumbers" (Jan. 13, 2009)

"Your Best Friend in a Romantic Comedy Is Always There For You" (Dec. 4, 2008)

"The Audacity of Despair" (Oct. 28, 2008)

"Your Candidate for Class Treasurer Has Something to Disclose" (Oct. 8, 2008)

"Soberly Written Documents Rendered as Comic-Book Dialogue!" (Aug. 7, 2008)

"A Former WWF Wrestler, Now a Surburban Realtor and Parent of Three, Campaigns for PTA Chair and Battles His Instincts" (June 10, 2008)

"Top Searches on Gogol.com" (June 5, 2008)

"The Catcher in the Retirement Home" (Apr. 17, 2008)

Three pieces anthologized in The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes, available from Random House/Vintage (Apr. 1, 2008)

"'Page Six' Gets Extremely Personal" (Mar. 11, 2008)

"Ashton Kutcher Fan Fiction: 'The Middle School Dance' by Melissa Bell, Age 13" (Feb. 7, 2008)

"Ishmael The Comedian" (Jan. 9, 2008)

"An Inarticulate, Self-Consciously Ironic Voice of His Twentysomething Generation Makes an Opening Statement for His Client in a Corporate-Fraud Case" (Nov. 13, 2007)

"We're Huge in Europe" (Oct. 2, 2007)

"Debate for Emperor of the Upsilon Sigma Star System" (Aug. 27, 2007)

"Why There Will Never Be a Lactose-Intolerant President" (Aug. 6, 2007)

"Ivan Lendl, Former Tennis Champion and Current Landscape-Painting Teacher in the Goshen, Connecticut, Community Center" (June 1, 2007)

"Planned Parenthood's Plans C, D, E, F, and G for Iraqi Insurgent Control" (Apr. 13, 2007)

"My Interactive Call Center" (Mar. 23, 2007)

"I'm Starting to Suspect That a Dungeons and Dragons Player Named 'Elgdorf the Mage' Is Abusing His Wikipedia Editorial Privileges" (Oct. 26, 2006)

"Perhaps I Should Stop Naming the Protagonists in My Semi-Autobiographical Fiction After Myself" (Sept. 18, 2006)

"Why There Aren't Many Right-Wing Observational Comedians" (May 22, 2006)

"Feedback From James Joyce's Submission of Ulysses to His Creative-Writing Workshop" (May 9, 2006)

"Parallels Between My Living Through Two Years of Middle School and the Two Terms of the Bush Presidency" (Mar. 21, 2006)

"Listmania!: Other Books Useful (or Not) for Americans to Read, Beyond William Blum's Rogue State, by Osama B-L" (Jan. 23, 2006)

"History's Most Lopsided Trades, as Renegotiated by Oakland A's General Manager Billy Beane" (Jan. 16, 2006)

"New Year's Resolutions" (Jan. 6, 2006)

"Ten Reasons Why You, Audrey Tautou, Gamine French Star of Amélie, Should Date Me, Teddy Wayne" (Oct. 24, 2005)

"Urgent Proposal" (Aug. 30, 2005)

"Where Are They Now?" (Aug. 9, 2005)

"Bawdy Best-Man Speeches, Given by the Actual Best Man on Earth at the Time" (June 9, 2005)

"Awkward Interloper of the Realm: Christmas Day With My New Girlfriend's Family As a Circa-1982 Text-Based Computer Adventure Game" (May 23, 2005)

"Yahoo's MAILER-DAEMON Automated Reply for Failed E-mail Delivery Is Getting a Little Too Intimate" (Apr. 12, 2005)

"2008 Presidential Stump Speech of Billy Bush, Cousin of George W. Bush and Access Hollywood Entertainment Reporter" (Mar. 16, 2005)

"The Fabulous Friends: Conservative Christian Groups' Least-Favorite All-Star Cartoon" (Jan. 27, 2005)

"Welcome to Cancún!" (Jan. 24, 2005)

"Johnson's Life of Boswell" (Dec. 15, 2004)

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