Interview Magazine: “Gal Gadot “ (Aug. 2015)

New York Observer: “Teddy Wayne’s Summer Television Guide” (May 5, 2014)

New York Observer: “Cathouse: A Drama at Lady Dinah’s Cat Emporium in One Act” (Apr. 29, 2014)

Interview Magazine: “Taylor Kitsch” (Feb. 2014)

The Millions: “The Lowest Form of Humor: How the National Lampoon Shaped the Way We Laugh Now” (Oct. 29, 2013)

Prospect (UK): “Other Controversial Florida Laws” (July 26, 2013)

Prospect (UK): “Election: The Board Game” (Nov. 2012)

Psychology Today: “Final Analysis: Notes on My Dream Home” (July 2012)

Prospect (UK): “The Romney-tron” (Jan. 25, 2012)

The Morning News: “The Luxe Love Life of Veronica van der Vöorhies” (Nov. 29, 2011)

Prospect (UK): Response to “In the Shadow of the Twin Towers” (June 2011)

The Morning News: “An Open Letter to Writers of Open Letters” (May 20, 2011)

Obit Magazine: “Advance Obituary for the 2011 New York Mets” (May 12, 2011)

Obit Magazine: “Remembering a Suburban Icon” (Mar. 15, 2011)

New York Daily News : “Why should I care about oil? It’s much easier to watch Charlie Sheen” (Mar. 14, 2011)

Writer’s Digest: “Publicity Tips When Publishing Your Book” (Feb. 26, 2011)

New York Observer: “New York Freelancer: ‘CBS Stole My Story–And It Wasn’t Even True!'” (Feb. 22, 2011)

The Morning News: “JuniorHighLeaks” (Dec. 9, 2010)

The Morning News: “Bret Easton Ellis, Author Célèbre” (Sept. 22, 2010)

Five Chapters: “What a Good Boy” (July 26-30, 2010)

Writer’s Digest: “How I Got My Agent: Teddy Wayne” (July 20, 2010)

Real Simple: “21 Things in Life That are Worth Your Time: People-Watching on Public Transportation” (Apr. 2010)

USA Today Op-Ed: “Social Media is Ushering in the Death of Authenticity” (Jan. 20, 2010)

Real Simple Back Page: “New Fees Effective This Month” (Oct. 2009)

Real Simple Back Page: “Merit Badges for Grown-Ups” (May 2009)

Real Simple Back Page: “If My 13-Year-Old Filed Taxes…” (Apr. 2009)

Real Simple Back Page: “Google Moms” (Sept. 2008)

Real Simple Back Page: “Tech Support For Life” (Aug. 2008)

Harper Perennial Fifty-Two Stories: “Therese Says” (Apr. 5, 2010)

Harper Perennial Olive Reader: “Holiday Grab Bag” (Dec. 16, 2009)

Significant Objects: “Wave Box” (Oct. 7, 2009)

The Faster Times: “The Decimation of the New York Mets Active Roster Continues Unabated” (July 28, 2009)

Undergraduate thesis: “Addiction To Itself: Self-Consciousness In David Foster Wallace’s Infinite Jest“

Minyanville: “‘Veiled Agendas’ of News Stories — and Oil Traders” (June 25, 2010)

Minyanville: “Breathe in One Billion, Breathe Out One Billion” (Dec. 3, 2009)

Minyanville: “Why Authors Skip Hardback, Too” (Nov. 10, 2009)

Radar: (video) “Sarah Meets Woody” (Oct. 22, 2008)

Radar: “Family Values” (June 3, 2008)

Radar: “Antique Roadshow: Q&A With Millard Kaufman” (Sept. 10, 2007)

Radar: “Sindergarten:The Latest Craze For NYC’s Wealthy Teens Is Acting Like Little Children—While On Club Drug Foxy” – April Fool’s hoax + hoax explanation (Mar. 30, 2007)

Radar: “Prank Call To Arms” (Jan. 26-27, 2007)

The Carolina Quarterly: “Page 88” (Spring 2007, Vol. 58, No. 2)

The Carolina Quarterly: “Plus or Minus One” (Spring 2007, Vol. 58, No. 2)

Denver Quarterly: “Twenty-Six Sentences About Zelda” (Fall 2006, Vol. 41, No. 1)

Forward: “A Book of Insults—Exploring Yiddish Curses” (Feb. 12, 2009)

Tar Art: “Woody Allen Reassures a Neurotic Nation on the Economy” (Spring 2009)

Los Angeles Times Op-Ed: “A Whole New Ballgame” (Apr. 1, 2007)

Yankee Pot Roast: “How Various Michael J. Fox Roles Would Be Different Had Rush Limbaugh Instead Been Cast” (Nov. 1, 2006)

Yankee Pot Roast: “Less Overtly Salacious but More Incriminating Republican IM Transcripts” (Oct. 10, 2006)

Yankee Pot Roast: “Non-Celebrity Gawker Stalker” (May 16, 2006)

Yankee Pot Roast: “Judy and Jim in Paris” (July 14, 2005)

Yankee Pot Roast: “I Am Tom Cruise, and I Love Women” (June 7, 2005)

Yankee Pot Roast: “The Weatherman’s Weekend Forecast” (May 20, 2005)

Yankee Pot Roast: “The Night of Standup Comedy I Recently Saw, Reduced to Its Logical Abstractions, as per Freud’s Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious“ (Apr. 20, 2005)

Yankee Pot Roast: “Temping in Vatican City” (Apr. 4, 2005)

Yankee Pot Roast: “Other Overwrought Acceptance Speeches” (Mar. 25, 2005)

Yankee Pot Roast: “David Foster Wallace, TV Guide Synopsist” (Feb. 17, 2005)

23/6: Posts

MSNBC: News segment on 23/6‘s “Gaffe Track (Club Remix Feat. DJ Barry O.)” (July 17, 2008)